Confession...I love New York 2!!!!

So, I've been sucked into a dirty, dirty reality show. It all started a year ago when a group of friends and I spent a long weekend in a cabin in Gatlinburg. The mornings were spent recovering from the previous night's drinking and somehow we landed on a marathon of episodes of Flava of Love. One of the contestants, New York (her real name is Tiffany), ended up being pretty popular with the viewing audience and she received her own reality (I use that term loosely in this instance) show.

Not only did New York receive her own spinoff, but after the first love connection didn't work out she receive another season. This show is like a train wreck! I can't get enough!

New York is down to her last two suitors, Tailor Made and Buddha. Tonight is the finale in which New York rides into the sunset with her less-than-prince-charming. I can't wait!!

I think I might know this guy...

Too good of a story not to share with people. Story is from MSNBC, orignally ran in The Washington Post.

MSNBC.com
A gate-crasher’s change of heart
Gunman bursts into party, tastes cheese and wine, gets hug, then leaves
By Allison Klein
The Washington Post
Updated: 5:47 a.m. ET July 13, 2007


WASHINGTON - A grand feast of marinated steaks and jumbo shrimp was winding down, and a group of friends was sitting on the back patio of a Capitol Hill home, sipping red wine. Suddenly, a hooded man slid in through an open gate and put the barrel of a handgun to the head of a 14-year-old guest.

"Give me your money, or I'll start shooting," he demanded, according to D.C. police and witness accounts.

The five other guests, including the girls' parents, froze -- and then one spoke.

"We were just finishing dinner," Cristina "Cha Cha" Rowan, 43, blurted out. "Why don't you have a glass of wine with us?"

The intruder took a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry and said, "Damn, that's good wine."

The girl's father, Michael Rabdau, 51, who described the harrowing evening in an interview, told the intruder, described as being in his 20s, to take the whole glass. Rowan offered him the bottle. The would-be robber, his hood now down, took another sip and had a bite of Camembert cheese that was on the table.

'Can I get a hug?'Then he tucked the gun into the pocket of his nylon sweatpants.

"I think I may have come to the wrong house," he said, looking around the patio of the home in the 1300 block of Constitution Avenue NE.

"I'm sorry," he told the group. "Can I get a hug?"

Rowan, who lives in Falls Church and works part time at her children's school, stood up and wrapped her arms around him. Then it was Rabdau's turn. Then his wife's. The other two guests complied.

"That's really good wine," the man said, taking another sip. He had a final request: "Can we have a group hug?"

The five adults surrounded him, arms out.

With that, the man walked out with a crystal wine glass in hand, filled with Chateau Malescot. No one was hurt, and nothing was stolen.

The homeowner, Xavier Cervera, 45, had gone out to walk his dog at the end of the party and missed the incident, which happened about midnight June 16. Police classified the case as strange but true and said they had not located a suspect.

"We believe it is a true robbery," said Cmdr. Diane Groomes, who is in charge of patrols in the Capitol Hill area. But it's one-of-a-kind, she said, adding, "I've never heard of a robber joining a party and then walking out to the sunset."

The hug, she said, was especially unusual. "They should have squeezed him and held onto him for us," she said.

Rabdau said he hasn't been able to figure out what happened.

"I was definitely expecting there would be some kind of casualty," Rabdau said this week. "He was very aggressive at first; then it turned into a love fest. I don't know what it was."

Was it the wine or the cheese?Rabdau, a federal government worker who lives in Anne Arundel County with his family and lived on Capitol Hill with his wife in the 1980s, said that the episode lasted about 10 minutes but seemed like an hour. He believes the guests were spared because they kept a positive attitude during the exchange.

"There was this degree of disbelief and terror at the same time," Rabdau said. "Then it miraculously just changed. His whole emotional tone turned -- like, we're one big happy family now. I thought: Was it the wine? Was it the cheese?"

After the intruder left, the guests walked inside the house, locked the door and stared at each other. They didn't say a word. Rabdau dialed 911. Police arrived quickly and took a report. They also dusted for fingerprints -- so far, to no avail.

In the alley behind the home, investigators found the intruder's empty crystal wine glass on the ground, unbroken.

© 2007 The Washington Post Company
© 2007 MSNBC.com

It's been a while...

This blog was one of my New Year's resolutions. I wanted to post at least once a week if not more frequently. Unfortunately, as with most resolutions, life gets in the way and resolutions are broken.

In my case, I've had a lot of good reasons to get sidetracked. My aunt, whom I've posted about previously, passed away. I've been traveling for work. I have a new boss who has transformed my job overnight into a job I hate. And, all in all, I'm worn out. Lots of whining, I know!!

Anyway, I'm making the commitment again to get back on track. I vow to give Marion Cotesworth-Haye a voice again!!!!

Stay Tuned!

Farewell Idol and Dancing!

It's been a fun a fun TV season for me. This is the first year I have watched American Idol and I've gotten pretty wrapped up in the competition and getting to know the contestants. While Beat-Boxin' Blond Blake was my guy (gay-not gay?) I did think Jordin was very talented. She was the best singer in the top two. Blake was THE entertainer.

Dancing held another bitter pill for me in the fact that I really wanted Ian Ziering (90210's Steve Sanders) to win. He made it to the top four. Apolo Anton Ohno was great. He had great charisma and energy with his partner Julianne and he's is such an athlete and competitor. I'm okay with him winner and actually cheered him on.

Anyway, wanted to give a shout out to the winners, Jodin and Apolo. I'm already looking forward to next season and I will definitely buy both Jordin and Blake's CDs when the hit the store shelves!!

FDA Continues Ban on Gay Men Donating Blood

The FDA continues its homophobic and archaic policy banning gay men from donating blood. A government entity is continuing to propagate discriminatory and hysterical policies by keeping an entire sector of Americans from being able to give blood to entities like the Red Cross.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that perhaps there was a time for this policy, but that time has come and gone. The 21st Century is not the place for this type of bigoted and stereotypical government policy. With all the precautions, tests and filters we have moved past the need for segregating any sect of society. It both saddens and infuriates me that this policy still stands.

Check out the links below to MSNBC. One article details the FDA's decision to continue the ban. The other is an op-ed piece by Arthur Caplan Ph.D. in which he supports the freedom for gay mean to give the gift of life.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18827137/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18832082/from/ET/

Final Dancing with the Stars Night!

Who will win? Apolo? Laila? Joey? It's been an exciting season!!! My fav, Ian Ziering, had an honorable run and made it into the top four. The final three compete tonight in the finale. My dirty confession? I voted for Apolo this morning rather than my boy bander, Joey.

New Man Crush--Maroon 5's Adam Levine

"Oh, there are beautiful men out there. Antonio Banderas is gorgeous. Well, maybe not so much anymore. He peaked around Desperado. I mean, every male secretly wants to have sex with Brad Pitt, but that's a given."

- Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine tells the new issue of The Advocate

Leo is the MAN!

I read an article in April's issue of GQ entitled "Male Bonding" about Man Crushes. Apparently, even in the straight world these days it is acceptable for men to have crushes on other men. I Goggled the term on the web and got quite a big hit back. Apparently, Man Crushes are a real thing people are talking about. It's even in Wikipedia!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_crush

Obviously, since we're talking about the straight world it isn't a sexual crush. One man may have a crush on Jackie Chan because he's the ultimate martial arts man these days. Another guy might have a man crush on Donald Trump. He might admire The Donald's commanding performance in the board room and his signature "you're fired".

I'm gay so my man crushes typically go a little farther than what we're talking about for my straight readers, but I think we can all relate to this concept.

I have recently developed a HUGE man crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. I know, I know, the guys out there are rolling their eyes. I felt the same way, believe me. I hated the thought of Leo. Hated him in "Titanic". I hated him trotting around "The Beach" in his baggy cargo shorts shirtless, yes, to the gay readers--it is true, Leo didn't do it for me. I was not a fan of Leo's talent, be it his acting chops, or his boyish good looks.

As we all do, however, Leo has grown up. He's went from that smug boy, who I delighted in seeing sink to the bottom of the ocean, to a man. Physically, his body and his face have matured and you see more in his looks and his gestures than what was once there. He's a man that is getting better with age.

Talent-wise, he absolutely has become the man. If readers have not seen

"The Departed" or "Blood Diamond" I suggest you run right out to your local Blockbuster and rent them. Phenomenal! Leo has become an actor. He immerses himself in the characters of each of these movies. You forget that he was Kirk Cameron's pint-size side kick on "Growing Pains" and you see a real actor who probably displays the most talent of any actor in Hollywood today and even superceeds his more financially successful predessesors like Tom Cruise and Richard Gere.

Leo has grown into a man and has taken this new wisdom and life experience and carved himself physically and mentally into one of the best actors of the 21st Century.

Leo is the MAN! Who's your man crush?

Saying Goodbye To An Old Friend...End of an Era

I bought a house about 6 years ago. Yes, I own a piece of the American dream in being a land owner. Exciting stuff for a kid in his early 20's. What was even more exciting was the fact that the house had an above ground pool! Growing up, pools were a big deal. The cool, rich kids' families had pools, so I welcomed the opportunity to relive a bit of my youth that I felt I had missed out on.

I rent my house. So, over the years there have been quite a cast of characters. Did I mention the house was originally dubbed, by a former roommate, The Hacienda? Anyway, the pool was a lot of fun. Many a swimming party was had. In fact, the first day I received possession of the house, the first few hours were spent with friends in the pool even as the sky darkened and it began to thunder and rain.

Over the years, the fun continued, but as most people know, along with the fun, pool maintenance is a lot of work. Roommates came and went and the pool began to see its better days. This past summer a wind storm brought down 4 big trees in my back yard. Three of which landed on the pool. After weighing the options, I chose to deposit the insurance money in my savings account rather than replacing the pool.

One of my current roommates has made it his mission to eliminate any remnants of the broken pool. I now have a big circular mud hole where once the pool paradise had been. It makes me a little sad. Again, there were countless good times had in that pool. Looking back on just a few, there was my roommate Doug pretending he was a dolphin and doing some crazy dives. My other roommate Charles nearly drowning himself by trying to make the floating cooler a flotation device. Me, floating and relaxing on my favorite pool floaty (pictured here). Another roommate, Alex, taking the dog for a swim. I can't even count all the beer bottles and Pizza Express cups that have lined the ledge of the pool with frosty alcoholic beverages. Good times, good times.

Au revoir swimming pool! You lived a happy and giving life. Thanks for all the fun and all the good times you gave us in your shimmering azure waves.

A Beautiful Moment

The town I live in here in Indiana would be considered, by most, a small town. Population is over 60,000. Growing up in a town of 3500 I consider it a city! It is a college town so it is a very liberal environment compared to most places in Indiana.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a play. I noticed in the row in front of me there were a couple of young men sitting side by side. They were laughing and chatting. They had dark hair and were both very cute. Both were in their very early 20's, so they were young. I noticed upon further examination that they were holding hands. They were on a date! It was very heartwarming as they seemed totally at ease with their surroundings...like holding hands was the most natural thing for them to do.

In that one moment I realized, as a society, we are progressing. Being 10 years their senior I found this pretty amazing. I made mention to my friend, Biscuit, who commented that with their age and this environment there probably wasn't even any second thoughts for them. No hiding who they are and how they feel for each other. Amazing! It made me very proud for them and very hopeful for myself and others like us!

It, of course, bummed me out too as there was no one beside me to hold my hand! God, I need a boyfriend!!!!

Homeland Security...NOT!

As are all Americans, I'm appalled and saddened by the massacre at Virginia Tech. My thoughts go out to the victims' families. As everyone struggles to understand why this happened I'm left wondering how it happened?

Virginia Tech is a state institution. Funding comes from a state and national level.

Homeland Security, two words we repeatedly hear day in and day out. Two words that didn't exist together until that fateful day of 9/11. Where, in this instance, was Homeland Security on this fateful day of 4/16? Why was there no system in place to warn students of this type of security threat especially after Columbine? Why did it take well over 2 hours for officials to find and eliminate this security threat to the campus? Why did 33 people have to pay the ultimate price for a huge and blatant breach in homeland security?

When people hear the words "Homeland Security" you immediately think airports. Not the case. The tax dollars we pay our government goes to secure our nation and ensure the safety of all people. In this case, that initiative is sorely lacking. Also, we associate the word "terrorist" to those of Arabian descent. Again, in this case a terrorist is anyone who brings terror and harm to our fellow Americans. The terrorist on 4/16 was a quiet student.

There is now talk of putting security measures in place across the nation at learning institutions. It's a shame that Homeland Security is reactive rather than proactive. Otherwise, 33 people might still be alive today.

Joke, not mine, but I like it!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL:The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH:We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \ reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:Where's my gun?

The Coop and I

It's that old feeling. Like I'm being chased. Like the jackals are closing in. I'm in fight or flight mode.

Out Magazine is doing a cover story featuring celebrities in what it is calling "the glass closet". In a clever photo ploy, Anderson Cooper and Jodie Foster are on the cover. The paparazzi is closing in again on Anderson. The details of our rendezvous at the BEA will 'come out' again. Chad and I survived the scandal once. I'm not sure we're strong enough to weather another media storm.

Life and Death Decision, No One Should Have to Choose

I'm signing papers in a few hours that says I'm in charge of how a life ends. A life that has taught me how to be a better, stronger, more giving person. My Aunt Margie is in the hospital and for all the medical advice I'm given...for all intensive purposes is dying.

In her final days, she's gone from her being the vibrant woman she was to moments of recognition and finally to nothing but a moaning shell.

I just added a comma to the above sentence and realized that signing a life away is like adding a comma. I sign on the dotted line and when it is time, that signature, and those instructions are followed to the letter of the AP rule book.

For 82 years she's been a hard worker, a devoted wife, a loving aunt and a Christian lady. At 82 she held a job, lived on her own and drove her own car. Her Independence, since my Uncle Bob's death in 1984 has inspired me.

I know she would not want to live via a respirator, but at the same time she has worked hard and fought for her life for 82 years. Maybe, I'm wrong and she would want me to pull out all the stops. Maybe to her, life is worth her living like a vegetable on a respirator. Who the HELL am I to say? But, with her being the "moaning shell" I described someone has to make that decision for her. I'm not alone. There's another niece who's pushed for this all along and I've pushed back. Tonight, standing over her bed and begging her to wake up, talk to me, and me telling her I love her, there was nothing...no response. So, I've made my decision.

Tomorrow, it will all be on paper. I pray to God that he takes her naturally and I don't ever have to wonder was I the one who gave up and not her? Would she have wanted to live out her final days even if it was artificial? Was she clinging to life to have that miraculous second chance?

I'm not a good person and I pray that God allows me to take the coward's way out and I don't ever have to answer these questions. I can only tell you and God that I love my Aunt Margie and I only want her to be at peace and free from the pain and suffering. That, is the only thing I can hold true to.

To anyone who reads this, I don't want anyone to comment. I started this blog because I wanted it to be an outlet for my thoughts and emotions and I could care a less about anyone else's comments. This, is what is important to me now. If you want to leave a comment I would ask instead that you pray, meditate or simply think good wishes that my Aunt Margie finds peace in either getting better or finding her place with the Lord she believes in and my Uncle Bob beside her.

Getting to Know the Ninja: A Blog Interview

Sugar Kane has some questions she'd like answered by the Ninja. Although, I typically don't grant interviews I'm willing to give the 411 on the below questions.

If you would like to play along:The Rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.” I respond by asking you five personal questions (I will leave these questions for you in my comments) so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! You WILL update your journal/bloggy thing/whatever with the answers to the questions (please don't leave your answers in my comments unless you don't have a blog). You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here goes...Q&A:
1. You must give up one. Which would it be:
a] rum
b] sleeping
c] sex

I'd have to answer sleep. Although I complain about being tired constantly and revel in my noon wake up calls on Saturday and Sunday, I'd have to say rum and sex have a bigger addiction with me although, I do typically have all three alone in my room every day!

2. You can have front row center tickets to any concert, who would you go see?

Oh, this is sooooooo gay, but I've never seen Cher. I really would like to see her. She's retired like 50 times, but is suppose to take Celine Dion's place as the headliner at the Colosseum in Caesar's Palace in Vegas. If that happens, you can bet I'm making a pilgrimage.

3. Who is your role model?

That's a tough one. I have a lot actually. I'd have to say my high school Journalism teacher is one. She taught me how to write and is just this tough old lady who's seen everything and done everything. Me and Sugar Kane's friend, The Marine, would be another because he never takes himself too seriously and can turn getting a sandwich at Arby's into an adventure. My mom is also one of the strongest people I know. Also, Sugar Kane herself (no, I'm not sucking up) is a great mother and I hope to be a parent one day and will need lots and lots of advice from her.

4. You have the opportunity for free plastic surgery. What, if anything, do you have done?

LIPO!!!!! I always want to be thinner in all the right places. Maybe my nose.

5. Do you think gays will ever be able to marry?

Not sure if MARRIED is the right word, but I do think civil unions will be recognized around the nation in the next 10 years if not sooner. Society and civil liberties have come too far to stop now. I'm not in a relationship so this issue doesn't matter to me as much as it should. I have a lesbian couple that I would love to see this happen for sooner rather than later. I support the issue, but I'm not passionate about it. I hope to get into a better mindset and I'm sure my tune will change dramatically when there's an incentive of a potential husband candidate.

Cancer is Still a Plague

Cancer is still the plague that has touched nearly everyone. In the last six months I've found out that two very important people in my life have been diagnosed with different types of cancer. Each has a very bleak prognosis.

These people, my Uncle Willie and my Aunt Margie, are people who have lived their lives as very cheery, upbeat, independent, strong influences in my life. They each are now facing hardships and struggles as the golden years of their lives fade to painful treatment and diminished quality of life.

Everyone read this can attest to watching someone in their lives fight and suffer the ravishes of cancer. In this day of building space stations, fighting multi-billion dollar wars and creating cell phones that one can run an entire corporation in the palm of their hands, how can we continue to allow those we love suffer at the hands of this plague?

More time, money and energy needs to be spent by all of us in order to help understand and prevent this killer from claiming another life. I encourage everyone to take a few minutes and go to the link below to view information and facts regarding cancer via the American Cancer Society. You can also find out how you can be a solution through contributions and by giving your time as a volunteer.

The plague must be stopped.

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/HOME/sup/sup_0.asp

Dancing with the Stars is Back!

Yes, yet another dirty secret I must confess in my closest of being a reality TV fan...I LOVE Dancing with the Stars. It's back tonight and I'm super pumped. My front runner without seeing him dance is Ian Ziering from 90210. He's with Cheryl and I really like her. She has a legacy to uphold having been the dancing partner of the last two winners, Drew and Emmitt. Tune in!

I'm concerned for Seaquest...

So, I have to admit something embarrassing...yes, more so than Stalking 101. I've become a fan of American Idol. I've held off the fanfare for over 5 years, but Season 6 finally got me. I have a roommate, Daisy, who's a die-hard fan so I've got sucked into this season's musical drama.

Yes, I think Simon is mean. Yes, I'm annoyed by Randy's "Sup Dawg" comments. And YES, I think Paula has more in her Coca Cola tumbler than just Coke. I believe Ms. Abdul likes her vodka with a splash of Diet Coke Lime. My biggest concern about the show is what side of the plate does host, Ryan Seacrest (or Seaquest, as I like to call him) bat from and why is everyone so obsessed? He's attractive, but not hot. He's a B-list celebrity, but the gay jokes and gossip just keep on coming.

The latest incident was a blast from Simon Cowell on live network TV. See the transcript below:

Ryan Seacrest: "We have a question from Georgia. What do you consider the hardest part of this contest?"
Melinda Doolittle: "Wow. I would have to say the high heels and these dresses. I like my tennis shoes and my sweat pants. I'm sorry."
Seacrest: "Simon, any advice on the high heels?"
Cowell: "You should know, Ryan."
Seacrest: "Stay out of my closet, Simon."
Cowell: "Well, come out."
Seacrest: "This is about the top twelve. Okay? Not your wishes...We're friends."

Simon took his usual dark humor a bit too far on network TV. I don't understand why people care so much about sexuality. We as a society are obsessed about what people do in the bedroom. I remember before I came out to my friends I had a really close friend whom just assumed I was gay and I found out she told people that. It hurt, not because it was true or not true, but that people were that obsessed with my sexuality that they would talk about it behind my back rather than just having an honest conversation with me. If Seaquest is truly gay I can't imagine what he's feeling having his business aired on national TV, online in web gossip columns like the picture here and around the world. My heart goes out to Seaquest. Been there. Done that.

Not as much as a Side-by-Side, but...

My new iPod has changed my life. Nothing earth shattering in this post. Just a testamonial. I'm new to the iPod world. My first experience with my iPod was on the plane ride to and from New Orleans. Changed my life. Not as much as a Side-by-Side Milk Shake from Steak and Shake, but close. I highly recommend everyone get one. Whether it is a plane trip, a long run in the gym, navigating the subway or just listening in your office iPod's truly make life more enjoyable. Mine's neon green.

New Orleans Vacation 3/6/2007

New Orleans architecture.


Beignets at Cafe DuMonde. Yum!

Daisy on the balcony of the French Market. Great martini's!











Below, St. Louis Cathedral in Jackson Square.

Random Stranger on Bourbon St. working it for some beads.

Below, me and Dixie, our tour mule. She took me to see Brad and Angelina's place in NOLA! What a smart mule!




Charles, after a night on Bourbon St.

Stalking 101

I'm a really, really good stalker. Ask anyone who knows me and they will all agree. I have it down. From surveillance for shirtless pictures, to stolen boxer shorts, to "indiscretions" centered around stalkees' personal items, I'm on top of my game. I have objects of my desire who have been stalked for years who don't even know to those who have found out and have felt honored to be amongst the ranks. I'm smooth.

All of my training, my time and my stealth came crashing down around me this week. The gentleman pictured here who we shall call "C" has been an object of my affections for months. I first met him in New Orleans in September when on vacation. He is a bartender at my favorite bars there. He is beautiful! In a trip this week, I visited that bar again in hopes of seeing him one more time. In typical fashion, I gained the trust of another bartender named "M". She gave me the dish on "C's" personality, his last name and of course his next shift. I bided my time and found myself successfully planted on a bar stool at the afore mentioned shift. "M" however, had ratted me out.

The picture accompanying this blog was taken in September during "my peoples" holiday in NOLA called Southern Decadence. A friend snapped the shirtless picture of "C" behind the bar during that holiday and it has become one of my newest treasures and one of my late night joys. Anyway, I digress, "M" had told "C" that I had a shirtless picture of him that has been apparently circulated through the Midwest. I corrected him with a "If, by circulated through the Midwest, you mean sent to two or three other people, then yes." Totally innocent, right?

To "C's" credit he was extremely cool about the whole thing. He is a sweet and beautiful man who told me the owners made him pose shirtless during his shift during the gay holiday in hopes to drum up business. He asked if I'd email him the pic. Yes, I scored his email address even though he's straight...still an accomplishment in my mind.

Where the night came crashing down was our good bye. I could have played it cool, but by that time I was fairly intoxicated and decided the sincere and sweet approach was better. I apologized for being creepy. Yes, you heard it right. "I'm sorry for being creepy." It actually came out of my mouth. I knew it was a mistake the moment I uttered it and when I saw "C's" reaction (a visible shudder) along with my friends who had accompanied me to the bar I knew everything that I held dear in all my previous stalker training had come crashing down.

I plead that after I'd had about 4 of the signature drinks at this famous bar (the drink has both Vodka and Everclear in it softened by grape Koolaid) that this really was beyond my control. The only thing to do was tip him well (which I'm sure could also be construed as creepy) and get the hell out. That, was indeed, the course of action I took.

So, although I may not ever be able to go back to my favorite bar in NOLA I came out of there with two things...neither of which is obviously my dignity! 1) I know now to never mix stalking with Everclear and Vodka and 2) "C's" email address which helped me get to his MySpace page in which there are TONS more shirtless pictures of him. While not a success, also not a complete failure either!!!

I'll tuck this lesson into my stalker files and live to stalk another day! Creepy yes, but it can also be pretty rewarding as you can see from "C's" picture.

Little Things...

I was running late to work this morning (as I always do) and saw my friend Spence at the stop light on the way to his job. Spence is one of my best freinds, former roommate and someone who is and will always be important in my life.

I forget sometimes how much I care about and miss the people whom I've grown close to in the last couple of years. Those that have moved on to pursue other goals and life paths. Those whom I love that are still here in our town, but due to life's obligations don't see or spend nearly as much time with as I have in the past.

Anyway, this isn't a sad post. It is a reminder and a praise that these people are important and those small moments when we do connect, like Spence and I this morning with a wave and a smile across the way at a stop light, those are good moments.

That Which We Do Not Like...OR...Life Is One Big Toilet Bowl

As I grow older, I am continually faced with this scenario...doing things I either don't like or simply don't want to do. My job for instance, If I could just do the core responsibilities of my job day in and day out I'd love it. Instead, I'm tasked with not only doing my job, but doing and thinking for everyone else around me. In addition to doing my job and everyone else's I'm now being asked to do even more things I don't like and even more thinking and doing for others in the guise of "getting to the next rung on the ladder."

The sad thing about this scenario is I am quickly coming to believe everyone is in the same boat. While there might be a dream job out there for everyone some day, most never find it and are forced to pursue the same path that I currently am pursuing. Even in the dream job, most people still have to do a lot of things that they just don't care to do.

Let's take the job scenario out of it shall we, since, (as you can tell from the above two paragraphs I'm a little burned out currently) life in general is like this. I don't like cleaning my toilet, but it is a necessity. I hate going grocery shopping but if I don't want to eat out all of the time I have to face the Kroger Zombies (people who are in a daze that you have to nearly run over with your cart) in order to feed myself.

I look around and wonder is life simply one big toilet bowl cleaning? Sure, once you're done with the wipe down it's a sparkling, white throne, but is the compromise of your dignity and your sanity for those few seconds while you have your head down there in the swirling, germ-ridden water grunting and scrubbing worth it?

Oops She Did It Again, And Again, And Again...

I really have tried. If you ask any of my other friends I think they'll say I've been there for them. I've done all that I can do for her. I told her not to do it, but she did it anyway. She's a mess. From the partying to the baldness, she's gone too far. The breaking point for me was last week when she threw up in the back of the car. She got me, but more importantly she threw up on my favorite pair of Jimmy Choo's and my favorite Armani jacket. I'm washing my hands of her. Vaya con dios.

100 Things About Me...

So, my friend and fellow Blogger, Biscuit, says a '100 Things List' is a must on a blog so, below is mine. Enjoy!

1) I have not seen my natural hair color since 2001.

2) I have a chocolate Cocker Spaniel that I adopted when he was 10 named Coco.

3) As a kid, The Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite TV show. I'd watch each segment and then reenact what just happened for my parents during the commercials. Lucky them!

4) As a college student my favorite show was Dawson’s Creek. I was sure I was going to be a famous director liked Dawson wanted to be.

5) My favorite show today? Probably my favorite show would be West Wing. I love the drama. I like to see what will “Rock the West Wing To Its Core.” I’m sad it is no longer on. Studio 60 (Sorken’s new show) just isn’t the same.

6) I’ve given nearly all my friends nick-names.

7) "I have a Calico cat and two room flat in West L.A.” For those of you who don’t get the song reference sorry. I really do have a Calico cat though. Her name is Donna. I’m working on the two room flat.

8) I own my own house.

9) I share it by renting rooms.

10) I was a Journalism major in college.

11) I still like to write and hope to publish the great American novel one day.

12) I have published a book already, but it is a book of short stories and is really more pamphlet size rather than novel size.

13) I work in publishing, hence, I’ve published my own book.

14) I have a friend who gets drunk and insists on doing human pyramids. He’s straight. I don’t get it either.

15) I love Chilli-Cheese Fritos, but haven’t eaten any in years because they’re so bad for me.

16) Instead, my favorite chip is Baked Lays Sour Cream and Cheddar.

17) I prefer salty to sweet in both friends and snack foods.

18) I make a mean cheeseball.

19) If I could have a HOT one night stand with a man it would be with Nick Lachey.

20) If I could have a HOT one night stand with a woman it would be Salma Hayek.

21) My friend, Biscuit, wants to have sex with me, but I won’t give in.

22) I work out with a personal trainer named William.

23) I want a six pack and big guns.

24) I think my best feature is probably my eyes.

25) People say I look like Lance Bass.

26) I want Lance Bass dead.

27) I have an unhealthy dream life.

28) In my unhealthy dream life I am a two-time Oscar winner who is in a committed relationship with TV’s Chad Allen.

29) My favorite city that I’ve visited to date is New Orleans (before and after Katrina).

30) I like to take long, late night walks around New Orleans like I’m The Vampire Lestat.

31) I’ve read all of Christoper Rice’s books.

32) I want the theme music of my commitment ceremony one day to be “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden.

33) I also want to work “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers into the ceremony somehow.

34) I do believe in love even though most times you ask me I’ll say I don’t.

35) Dumb questions and back stabbing are my two major pet peeves in people.

36) I like nearly all reality TV. “Blow Out” on Bravo is a dirty favorite.

37) I eat chocolate when I’m depressed.

38) I bought myself a Valentine’s Day stuffed animal. It’s a pink dog with fluffy ears. Can someone say pathetic? It’s really cute and soft, though.

39) I love the Colts!!!! Super Bowl Champs 2007!!!!!!!!

40) I should have been born and raised in California. I hate cold weather.

41) I do think everywhere should have a white Christmas, though.

42) I’m an only child.

43) I grew up in a small town (3500 people)

44) I grew up on a cattle farm.

45) I sold my first cow that I bottle fed and used the money to buy a VCR. The cow’s name was Buddy.

46) I love movies.

47) My favorite movie is probably “Dead Poet’s Society”

48) Tom Cruise use to be my favorite actor until he went crazy.

49) Julia Roberts is my favorite actress.

50) I use to hate Leonardo DiCaprio. Now, I think he’s awesome.

51) My favorite old movie is “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”. Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor are sex on a stick in that movie.

52) I love porn. Can’t get enough.

53) My favorite porn star is Brad Star.

54) I want to own a log cabin some day.

55) I drive a maroon Blazer.

56) I want to drive a Mercedes or a Porsche one day.

57) Rum is my favorite liquor.

58) I enjoy my martinis straight up, very dirty and very, very, dry. Vodka, not gin.

59) I love the American Express commercial with Kate Winslet. I love when she says in her aristocratic English accent, “And at 29 I was in Neverland.”

60) I do a great impression of Marion Cotesworth Haye from an episode of “West Wing.”

61) Although most people would describe me as outgoing I’m actually extremely shy.

62) Blue is my signature color.

63) I like to paint, but I’m not very good at it.

64) I play the piano, clarinet, and sort of the guitar.

65) Superman and Spiderman are my favorite superheroes. Spiderman was my favorite as a kid. Superman is now.

66) My favorite TV show is the CW’s “Supernatural”.

67) If I could change 1 thing about myself it would be to be taller.

68) I’d also like to be blond.

69) I have a tattoo on my shoulder blade that is the Chinese symbol for happiness.

70) I want another tattoo on my other should blade. I want it to be a star.

71) My favorite meal that my mom makes is meatloaf and potato salad.

72) I’m an only child, gay and my parents are old. I worry about being old and alone.

73) My biggest fear is snakes. When I was a kid it would freak me out to even see them on TV.

74) I sleep on my stomach and completely wrap myself in my blankets. Only my nose and mouth are exposed.

75) Oprah changed my life. I only sleep on t-shirts sheets and I learned about them from Oprah’s Favorite Things episode.

76) My favorite book is “Giovanni’s Room” by James Baldwin.

77) I subscribe to three magazines: GQ, Men’s Health, and Out.

78) I love breakfast food for dinner.

79) Bacon is probably my favorite meat.

80) My friend, Biscuit, and I were nearly shot by snipers when we went in the wrong door at the Capital Building in D.C.

81) I could go to Vegas twice a year every year and have a GREAT time. I’m not a gambler though.

82) I made out with a girl named Peggy on the dance floor at a gay bar.

83) People tell me I have a great Roman nose. I think it is just big.

84) When I’m really drunk no one knows because I become more logical than when I’m sober. Or, I cry.

85) I went to school with Dan Quayle’s nieces and know Uncle Dan.

86) My favorite bar is called The Irish Lion.

87) My favorite drink at The Lion is The Dirty Nellie. It is a Long Island Ice Tea with 7 shots of alcohol instead of the traditional 5.

88) I want to white water raft one day.

89) My friend, Biscuit, says I can eat a bagel with cream cheese in two bites. It’s simply not true.

90) I accidentally stole a polo from Wal-Mart. It wasn’t my fault!!!

91) I had Scooby Doo Underoos as a kid.

92) I have a trick ankle. Sometimes, I go down with no warning.

93) I use to love chillable red box wine. My friend and roommate, Baguette, ridiculed me until I finally broke the addiction. He’s also the pyramid guy. Go figure.

94) I grow house plants.

95) A cat named Grady tried to kill me.

96) I have participated in a threesome.

97) My favorite hot drink is Chai with
cinnamon on top.

98) I took down a quarter sized ball of wasabi on a dare.

99) My favorite desert is my mom’s banana pudding.

100) I had a HUGE crush on Dallas’ Patrick Duffy when I was a kid.

Vain? Yes, I Know

I have always been vain. It is a fatal flaw, I know, but a flaw I recognize and am okay with. I've always had to have the right clothes, my hair did, etc. Some will say it will be my down fall. Others, just roll their eyes.

I do think I'm getting better with age and am aging well, although, if asked in public my age I always shave around 5 years off. So far, I can pull it off.

My posting today centers around the idea of my vainness. I think everyone has some vanity or an alter-ego that they would gladly change places with in regards to the physical aspect of that person. I've always thought if I could look like anyone in the world I'd like to look like Hollywood's Sean Patrick Flannery. Mr. Young Indiana Jones himself.

Every since I first saw him on "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" I've wanted to look like him. Tall, blond and cut, but not in an overally big way...thinly muscled. Yes, that's my look. It is a shame that I'm short, dark and average-build, but it gives me an alter-ego that I hope you agree is attractive.

If my Fairy Godmother fluttered down with her magic wand, yes, I'd asked to look just like Sean Patrick. Who would you change into?

Which Side Is Your Bread Buttered?

In the infamous words of Salt N' Peppa "Let's talk about sex, baby! Let's talk about you and me!"

Is sexuality predetermined? Is it something we're born with? Something we choose? Is it something that we experiment with and switch back and forth? Given what side you feel your bread is buttered, I'm sure everyone has an opinion. There's been many arguments on all sides, straight, gay, bisexual. This post is meant not to argue the points, but to potentially ask a question of are there concrete guidelines of what sexuality is and do people stray from those roles?

I've watched a couple of movies lately that have made me wonder if the roles of sexuality are not as hard and fast (pardon the pun) as what most people choose to believe. While the movies themselves are not Oscar caliber works (Todd Graff's "CAMP" and Stephane Giusti's French film "The Man I Love") they left me questioning is who we love ultimately a choice that we make? Can we as humans let go of the sexual roles we cling to for a moment of passion, love, or fulfillment?

Let me briefly set up the plots for both movies.

In "CAMP", a young man, Vlad (Daniel Letterle) enters a summer camp for the performing arts. The cast of characters are portrayed as the typical gay, lesbian, transgendered, and overly dramatic stereotype society has for most theatre people. Vlad is talented, blond, built and straight. He's new to the camp so he attracts a lot of attention from the campers. Vlad is a type A. He wants to excel at everything. His fatal flaw is he also wants to be loved by everyone therefore, he yields to people's expectations and molds himself to fulfill those expectations. He, of course, falls in love with a girl along the way, but also has a transgendered best friend, Michael, who he knows has a huge crush on him. After courting the girl to a disastrous end, and flirting with Michael until the friendship is betrayed, the climax of the film and also Vlad's redemption is him offering himself to Michael, sexually, in order to heal all wounds. He offers to give Michael himself, knowing that is what Michael has always wanted, in order to regain the friendship and his love.

In "The Man I Love", a gay life guard, Martin, falls for a straight diver, Lucas. Short of stalking Lucas, Martin befriends a reluctant and reclusive Lucas and becomes an integral part of his life…much to Lucas' girlfriend's chagrin. Throughout the film Martin makes it clear to Lucas that he is in love with him, but will settle for a friendship rather than nothing at all. The two characters also come to terms with Martin's HIV+ status. When Martin's health takes a turn for the worst Lucas chooses Martin over his girlfriend and in a last wish scenario ends up making love to Martin.

So, with these movies ultimately people will raise the points that: A) the plots of these two movies are probably not based in most people's realities B) the characters in these movies have fatal and probably psychotic flaws C) the characters who make the commitment to give themselves to their same sex partners probably were gay to begin with. However, being a gay man these movies have left me thinking of the plots for several days afterward which is the source for this blog.

I don't have the exact data from the Kinsey institute, but as I'm sure everyone who's reading this is aware there is a scientific belief that everyone has some homosexuality within them. It is simply a matter of how in touch the person is with that side of them as to how they choose to conduct their sexual affairs. Also, several men I've know over the years as well as friends of friends, etc, have had some sexual encounters with friends of the same sex. Same sex experimentation is something that the Kinsey Institute also claims is natural as children grow into adults.

Again, the purpose of this blog is most definitely not to begin a great debate or argue that everyone is gay or everyone should be straight. Basically, the themes of these two movies have stuck with me and I wanted to get them out for others to read and hopefully, comment on.

Also, on a personal note, coming out in my mid 20's I look back on all the male straight friendships I had and wonder, were there any possibilities that were left unexplored? Was there a soul mate out there that I passed up because I didn't realize that perhaps other people felt like the characters in these two movies? Perhaps they felt the need to give themselves out of love, but because of the roles we choose to think we must play that relationship wasn't explored? I don't know, but I find the plots of the above movies just as intriguing when typing this blog as I did when I first watched them. I hope someone else does as well.

Colts Win Superbowl!!!!

February 4th, 2007, the Indianapolis Colts win Super Bowl!! Me and a group of friends were in Indy for the craziness. Great game, great time, awesome team. Just a few pics to commemorate the win.

Weekend Wrap Up... Adam V, Lance and Me!

So, my elation over a Colts victory and road to the SuperBowl was short lived. In my usual morning surfing the online rags to see what the Paparazzi is fictitiously writing about me, I came across a nugget of dirt. Something dark and sinister…Lance Bass.

A source close to the situation reported he and my husband, Chad Allen, were seen together sharing some time at Sundance. I can't believe it! Lance! He had better keep his boyband-manicured claws off my man! Otherwise, the feud between the Duffster and Lindsay Lohan will look like a tea party compared to the blow out I'll bring to the Lancer. Hell hath no fury like mine. I am so angry I'm finding it hard to enjoy the Baileys in my coffee!!

In other news, again…Go Colts! I'm super excited about the win and look forward to a SuperBowl victory. I also developed a fond fascination for Adam Vinatieri yesterday during the game. Sexy, sexy man and an awesome athlete. My stalking campaign for his affection has begun!

Speaking of campaigns, Hillary 2008! I'm looking forward to the campaign. The next several months should be exciting. It will be interesting to see how she distinguishes herself from the other candidates in order to get the nomination. The Clinton Machine will be out in full force and I can't wait for the fireworks!

On a final note to wrap up the weekend, I went to see the movie "Children of Men" starring Clive Owen, Julianne Moore and Michael Caine. EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT movie. Very heavy, but very good. I recommend everyone seeing it.

Well, that's all for now. Got to get back to work and, my Baileys is getting cold!

My Christmas Miracle

This is an excerpt from a short story I'm working on based on real life experiences over the holiday season. Hope you enjoy. Ideas and Feedback are appreciated!!!

I awoke with a start to Christmas carols blaring loudly from the living room just a few feet from my bedroom. “The Little Drummer Boy” was keeping perfect time with the throbbing of my head. The massive amounts of rum I’d consumed the night before were not being kind on this Christmas Eve morn.

I was sure the carols at ear splintering decibals were my mother’s subtle way of waking me up. I was also sure she was camped outside my bedroom door with a cup of good cheer and coffee in each hand.

“I’d love to shove an ornamental reindeer where the sun doesn’t shine,” I thought as I massaged my temples and rubbed my eyes.

We’ve all heard of Christmas tragedies in which a member of a seemingly nice family flips out and takes everyone out due to a mental imbalance forced upon him by the chaos of the holidays. As I crawled out of bed and tried to smooth my hair into a semblance of a normal looking human I decide the spiky craziness of my hair and the dark circles under my eyes would add character to my mug shot when I was booked for Christmas homicide.

As I tried to exit my childhood bedroom, I knocked over the empty bottle of rum. Coming home to The O.C., (actually Orange County, Indiana not California, but I like the irony of fame each county received from the popular teenie-bopper show currently airing on The WB or Fox or some other trendy network), always left me a bit nerotic. I love my parents, don’t get me wrong, but there was little to do in The O.C.—see how that works, and I’m always left feeling a bit stir crazy.

In the evenings, after my parents retire to bed at around 8:30 PM (we’re a farm family so early to bed, early to rise) I find the ghosts of my past, present and future begin playing havoc with my nerves. I also retire to my room under the guise of reading when in fact I usually am looking at porn on my laptop and making myself stiff drinks from whatever liquor I chose to sneak into my childhood bedroom on each visit. My parents DON’T drink. Yes, I feel guilty for smuggling the Devil’s device into my parents’ home, but after my third drink that guilt usually subsides.

Welcome Blog

So, this is my first adventure into the realm of blogging. It is something that has interested me for a while and as my friend, Biscuit, will attest something I've threatened to initiate for quite a while. Reason being, I'm a fairly intelligent, well-rounded, creative, albeit a bit-jaded, type of guy who, I think, has a lot to say about the world.

In that respect, and with that mindset, I hope to provide some interesting topics and points of view for my friends to read and discuss. Hopefully, in the process, I'll make some new friends along the way for those who stumble upon this noble and modest blog.

All in all, I hope to create some memories, adventures and some good reads in the future.

Thanks for stopping by and please check back regularly.