As I grow older, I am continually faced with this scenario...doing things I either don't like or simply don't want to do. My job for instance, If I could just do the core responsibilities of my job day in and day out I'd love it. Instead, I'm tasked with not only doing my job, but doing and thinking for everyone else around me. In addition to doing my job and everyone else's I'm now being asked to do even more things I don't like and even more thinking and doing for others in the guise of "getting to the next rung on the ladder."
The sad thing about this scenario is I am quickly coming to believe everyone is in the same boat. While there might be a dream job out there for everyone some day, most never find it and are forced to pursue the same path that I currently am pursuing. Even in the dream job, most people still have to do a lot of things that they just don't care to do.
Let's take the job scenario out of it shall we, since, (as you can tell from the above two paragraphs I'm a little burned out currently) life in general is like this. I don't like cleaning my toilet, but it is a necessity. I hate going grocery shopping but if I don't want to eat out all of the time I have to face the Kroger Zombies (people who are in a daze that you have to nearly run over with your cart) in order to feed myself.
I look around and wonder is life simply one big toilet bowl cleaning? Sure, once you're done with the wipe down it's a sparkling, white throne, but is the compromise of your dignity and your sanity for those few seconds while you have your head down there in the swirling, germ-ridden water grunting and scrubbing worth it?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Oops She Did It Again, And Again, And Again...
I really have tried. If you ask any of my other friends I think they'll say I've been there for them. I've done all that I can do for her. I told her not to do it, but she did it anyway. She's a mess. From the partying to the baldness, she's gone too far. The breaking point for me was last week when she threw up in the back of the car. She got me, but more importantly she threw up on my favorite pair of Jimmy Choo's and my favorite Armani jacket. I'm washing my hands of her. Vaya con dios. Thursday, February 15, 2007
100 Things About Me...
So, my friend and fellow Blogger, Biscuit, says a '100 Things List' is a must on a blog so, below is mine. Enjoy!
1) I have not seen my natural hair color since 2001.
2) I have a chocolate Cocker Spaniel that I adopted when he was 10 named Coco.
3) As a kid, The Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite TV show. I'd watch each segment and then reenact what just happened for my parents during the commercials. Lucky them!
4) As a college student my favorite show was Dawson’s Creek. I was sure I was going to be a famous director liked Dawson wanted to be.
5) My favorite show today? Probably my favorite show would be West Wing. I love the drama. I like to see what will “Rock the West Wing To Its Core.” I’m sad it is no longer on. Studio 60 (Sorken’s new show) just isn’t the same.
6) I’ve given nearly all my friends nick-names.
7) "I have a Calico cat and two room flat in West L.A.” For those of you who don’t get the song reference sorry. I really do have a Calico cat though. Her name is Donna. I’m working on the two room flat.
8) I own my own house.
9) I share it by renting rooms.
10) I was a Journalism major in college.
11) I still like to write and hope to publish the great American novel one day.
12) I have published a book already, but it is a book of short stories and is really more pamphlet size rather than novel size.
13) I work in publishing, hence, I’ve published my own book.
14) I have a friend who gets drunk and insists on doing human pyramids. He’s straight. I don’t get it either.
15) I love Chilli-Cheese Fritos, but haven’t eaten any in years because they’re so bad for me.
16) Instead, my favorite chip is Baked Lays Sour Cream and Cheddar.
17) I prefer salty to sweet in both friends and snack foods.
18) I make a mean cheeseball.
19) If I could have a HOT one night stand with a man it would be with Nick Lachey.
20) If I could have a HOT one night stand with a woman it would be Salma Hayek.
21) My friend, Biscuit, wants to have sex with me, but I won’t give in.
22) I work out with a personal trainer named William.
23) I want a six pack and big guns.
24) I think my best feature is probably my eyes.
25) People say I look like Lance Bass.
26) I want Lance Bass dead.
27) I have an unhealthy dream life.
28) In my unhealthy dream life I am a two-time Oscar winner who is in a committed relationship with TV’s Chad Allen.
29) My favorite city that I’ve visited to date is New Orleans (before and after Katrina).
30) I like to take long, late night walks around New Orleans like I’m The Vampire Lestat.
31) I’ve read all of Christoper Rice’s books.
32) I want the theme music of my commitment ceremony one day to be “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden.
33) I also want to work “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers into the ceremony somehow.
34) I do believe in love even though most times you ask me I’ll say I don’t.
35) Dumb questions and back stabbing are my two major pet peeves in people.
36) I like nearly all reality TV. “Blow Out” on Bravo is a dirty favorite.
37) I eat chocolate when I’m depressed.
38) I bought myself a Valentine’s Day stuffed animal. It’s a pink dog with fluffy ears. Can someone say pathetic? It’s really cute and soft, though.
39) I love the Colts!!!! Super Bowl Champs 2007!!!!!!!!
40) I should have been born and raised in California. I hate cold weather.
41) I do think everywhere should have a white Christmas, though.
42) I’m an only child.
43) I grew up in a small town (3500 people)
44) I grew up on a cattle farm.
45) I sold my first cow that I bottle fed and used the money to buy a VCR. The cow’s name was Buddy.
46) I love movies.
47) My favorite movie is probably “Dead Poet’s Society”
48) Tom Cruise use to be my favorite actor until he went crazy.
49) Julia Roberts is my favorite actress.
50) I use to hate Leonardo DiCaprio. Now, I think he’s awesome.
51) My favorite old movie is “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”. Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor are sex on a stick in that movie.
52) I love porn. Can’t get enough.
53) My favorite porn star is Brad Star.
54) I want to own a log cabin some day.
55) I drive a maroon Blazer.
56) I want to drive a Mercedes or a Porsche one day.
57) Rum is my favorite liquor.
58) I enjoy my martinis straight up, very dirty and very, very, dry. Vodka, not gin.
59) I love the American Express commercial with Kate Winslet. I love when she says in her aristocratic English accent, “And at 29 I was in Neverland.”
60) I do a great impression of Marion Cotesworth Haye from an episode of “West Wing.”
61) Although most people would describe me as outgoing I’m actually extremely shy.
62) Blue is my signature color.
63) I like to paint, but I’m not very good at it.
64) I play the piano, clarinet, and sort of the guitar.
65) Superman and Spiderman are my favorite superheroes. Spiderman was my favorite as a kid. Superman is now.
66) My favorite TV show is the CW’s “Supernatural”.
67) If I could change 1 thing about myself it would be to be taller.
68) I’d also like to be blond.
69) I have a tattoo on my shoulder blade that is the Chinese symbol for happiness.
70) I want another tattoo on my other should blade. I want it to be a star.
71) My favorite meal that my mom makes is meatloaf and potato salad.
72) I’m an only child, gay and my parents are old. I worry about being old and alone.
73) My biggest fear is snakes. When I was a kid it would freak me out to even see them on TV.
74) I sleep on my stomach and completely wrap myself in my blankets. Only my nose and mouth are exposed.
75) Oprah changed my life. I only sleep on t-shirts sheets and I learned about them from Oprah’s Favorite Things episode.
76) My favorite book is “Giovanni’s Room” by James Baldwin.
77) I subscribe to three magazines: GQ, Men’s Health, and Out.
78) I love breakfast food for dinner.
79) Bacon is probably my favorite meat.
80) My friend, Biscuit, and I were nearly shot by snipers when we went in the wrong door at the Capital Building in D.C.
81) I could go to Vegas twice a year every year and have a GREAT time. I’m not a gambler though.
82) I made out with a girl named Peggy on the dance floor at a gay bar.
83) People tell me I have a great Roman nose. I think it is just big.
84) When I’m really drunk no one knows because I become more logical than when I’m sober. Or, I cry.
85) I went to school with Dan Quayle’s nieces and know Uncle Dan.
86) My favorite bar is called The Irish Lion.
87) My favorite drink at The Lion is The Dirty Nellie. It is a Long Island Ice Tea with 7 shots of alcohol instead of the traditional 5.
88) I want to white water raft one day.
89) My friend, Biscuit, says I can eat a bagel with cream cheese in two bites. It’s simply not true.
90) I accidentally stole a polo from Wal-Mart. It wasn’t my fault!!!
91) I had Scooby Doo Underoos as a kid.
92) I have a trick ankle. Sometimes, I go down with no warning.
93) I use to love chillable red box wine. My friend and roommate, Baguette, ridiculed me until I finally broke the addiction. He’s also the pyramid guy. Go figure.
94) I grow house plants.
95) A cat named Grady tried to kill me.
96) I have participated in a threesome.
97) My favorite hot drink is Chai with
cinnamon on top.
98) I took down a quarter sized ball of wasabi on a dare.
99) My favorite desert is my mom’s banana pudding.
100) I had a HUGE crush on Dallas’ Patrick Duffy when I was a kid.
1) I have not seen my natural hair color since 2001.
2) I have a chocolate Cocker Spaniel that I adopted when he was 10 named Coco.
3) As a kid, The Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite TV show. I'd watch each segment and then reenact what just happened for my parents during the commercials. Lucky them!
4) As a college student my favorite show was Dawson’s Creek. I was sure I was going to be a famous director liked Dawson wanted to be.
5) My favorite show today? Probably my favorite show would be West Wing. I love the drama. I like to see what will “Rock the West Wing To Its Core.” I’m sad it is no longer on. Studio 60 (Sorken’s new show) just isn’t the same.
6) I’ve given nearly all my friends nick-names.
7) "I have a Calico cat and two room flat in West L.A.” For those of you who don’t get the song reference sorry. I really do have a Calico cat though. Her name is Donna. I’m working on the two room flat.
8) I own my own house.
9) I share it by renting rooms.
10) I was a Journalism major in college.
11) I still like to write and hope to publish the great American novel one day.
12) I have published a book already, but it is a book of short stories and is really more pamphlet size rather than novel size.
13) I work in publishing, hence, I’ve published my own book.
14) I have a friend who gets drunk and insists on doing human pyramids. He’s straight. I don’t get it either.
15) I love Chilli-Cheese Fritos, but haven’t eaten any in years because they’re so bad for me.
16) Instead, my favorite chip is Baked Lays Sour Cream and Cheddar.
17) I prefer salty to sweet in both friends and snack foods.
18) I make a mean cheeseball.
19) If I could have a HOT one night stand with a man it would be with Nick Lachey.
20) If I could have a HOT one night stand with a woman it would be Salma Hayek.
21) My friend, Biscuit, wants to have sex with me, but I won’t give in.
22) I work out with a personal trainer named William.
23) I want a six pack and big guns.
24) I think my best feature is probably my eyes.
25) People say I look like Lance Bass.
26) I want Lance Bass dead.
27) I have an unhealthy dream life.
28) In my unhealthy dream life I am a two-time Oscar winner who is in a committed relationship with TV’s Chad Allen.
29) My favorite city that I’ve visited to date is New Orleans (before and after Katrina).
30) I like to take long, late night walks around New Orleans like I’m The Vampire Lestat.
31) I’ve read all of Christoper Rice’s books.
32) I want the theme music of my commitment ceremony one day to be “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden.
33) I also want to work “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers into the ceremony somehow.
34) I do believe in love even though most times you ask me I’ll say I don’t.
35) Dumb questions and back stabbing are my two major pet peeves in people.
36) I like nearly all reality TV. “Blow Out” on Bravo is a dirty favorite.
37) I eat chocolate when I’m depressed.
38) I bought myself a Valentine’s Day stuffed animal. It’s a pink dog with fluffy ears. Can someone say pathetic? It’s really cute and soft, though.
39) I love the Colts!!!! Super Bowl Champs 2007!!!!!!!!
40) I should have been born and raised in California. I hate cold weather.
41) I do think everywhere should have a white Christmas, though.
42) I’m an only child.
43) I grew up in a small town (3500 people)
44) I grew up on a cattle farm.
45) I sold my first cow that I bottle fed and used the money to buy a VCR. The cow’s name was Buddy.
46) I love movies.
47) My favorite movie is probably “Dead Poet’s Society”
48) Tom Cruise use to be my favorite actor until he went crazy.
49) Julia Roberts is my favorite actress.
50) I use to hate Leonardo DiCaprio. Now, I think he’s awesome.
51) My favorite old movie is “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”. Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor are sex on a stick in that movie.
52) I love porn. Can’t get enough.
53) My favorite porn star is Brad Star.
54) I want to own a log cabin some day.
55) I drive a maroon Blazer.
56) I want to drive a Mercedes or a Porsche one day.
57) Rum is my favorite liquor.
58) I enjoy my martinis straight up, very dirty and very, very, dry. Vodka, not gin.
59) I love the American Express commercial with Kate Winslet. I love when she says in her aristocratic English accent, “And at 29 I was in Neverland.”
60) I do a great impression of Marion Cotesworth Haye from an episode of “West Wing.”
61) Although most people would describe me as outgoing I’m actually extremely shy.
62) Blue is my signature color.
63) I like to paint, but I’m not very good at it.
64) I play the piano, clarinet, and sort of the guitar.
65) Superman and Spiderman are my favorite superheroes. Spiderman was my favorite as a kid. Superman is now.
66) My favorite TV show is the CW’s “Supernatural”.
67) If I could change 1 thing about myself it would be to be taller.
68) I’d also like to be blond.
69) I have a tattoo on my shoulder blade that is the Chinese symbol for happiness.
70) I want another tattoo on my other should blade. I want it to be a star.
71) My favorite meal that my mom makes is meatloaf and potato salad.
72) I’m an only child, gay and my parents are old. I worry about being old and alone.
73) My biggest fear is snakes. When I was a kid it would freak me out to even see them on TV.
74) I sleep on my stomach and completely wrap myself in my blankets. Only my nose and mouth are exposed.
75) Oprah changed my life. I only sleep on t-shirts sheets and I learned about them from Oprah’s Favorite Things episode.
76) My favorite book is “Giovanni’s Room” by James Baldwin.
77) I subscribe to three magazines: GQ, Men’s Health, and Out.
78) I love breakfast food for dinner.
79) Bacon is probably my favorite meat.
80) My friend, Biscuit, and I were nearly shot by snipers when we went in the wrong door at the Capital Building in D.C.
81) I could go to Vegas twice a year every year and have a GREAT time. I’m not a gambler though.
82) I made out with a girl named Peggy on the dance floor at a gay bar.
83) People tell me I have a great Roman nose. I think it is just big.
84) When I’m really drunk no one knows because I become more logical than when I’m sober. Or, I cry.
85) I went to school with Dan Quayle’s nieces and know Uncle Dan.
86) My favorite bar is called The Irish Lion.
87) My favorite drink at The Lion is The Dirty Nellie. It is a Long Island Ice Tea with 7 shots of alcohol instead of the traditional 5.
88) I want to white water raft one day.
89) My friend, Biscuit, says I can eat a bagel with cream cheese in two bites. It’s simply not true.
90) I accidentally stole a polo from Wal-Mart. It wasn’t my fault!!!
91) I had Scooby Doo Underoos as a kid.
92) I have a trick ankle. Sometimes, I go down with no warning.
93) I use to love chillable red box wine. My friend and roommate, Baguette, ridiculed me until I finally broke the addiction. He’s also the pyramid guy. Go figure.
94) I grow house plants.
95) A cat named Grady tried to kill me.
96) I have participated in a threesome.
97) My favorite hot drink is Chai with
cinnamon on top.
98) I took down a quarter sized ball of wasabi on a dare.
99) My favorite desert is my mom’s banana pudding.
100) I had a HUGE crush on Dallas’ Patrick Duffy when I was a kid.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Vain? Yes, I Know
I have always been vain. It is a fatal flaw, I know, but a flaw I recognize and am okay with. I've always had to have the right clothes, my hair did, etc. Some will say it will be my down fall. Others, just roll their eyes.I do think I'm getting better with age and am aging well, although, if asked in public my age I always shave around 5 years off. So far, I can pull it off.
My posting today centers around the idea of my vainness. I think everyone has some vanity or an alter-ego that they would gladly change places with in regards to the physical aspect of that person. I've always thought if I could look like anyone in the world I'd like to look like Hollywood's Sean Patrick Flannery. Mr. Young Indiana Jones himself. 
Every since I first saw him on "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" I've wanted to look like him. Tall, blond and cut, but not in an overally big way...thinly muscled. Yes, that's my look. It is a shame that I'm short, dark and average-build, but it gives me an alter-ego that I hope you agree is attractive.
If my Fairy Godmother fluttered down with her magic wand, yes, I'd asked to look just like Sean Patrick. Who would you change into?
Friday, February 9, 2007
Which Side Is Your Bread Buttered?
In the infamous words of Salt N' Peppa "Let's talk about sex, baby! Let's talk about you and me!"
Is sexuality predetermined? Is it something we're born with? Something we choose? Is it something that we experiment with and switch back and forth? Given what side you feel your bread is buttered, I'm sure everyone has an opinion. There's been many arguments on all sides, straight, gay, bisexual. This post is meant not to argue the points, but to potentially ask a question of are there concrete guidelines of what sexuality is and do people stray from those roles?
I've watched a couple of movies lately that have made me wonder if the roles of sexuality are not as hard and fast (pardon the pun) as what most people choose to believe. While the movies themselves are not Oscar caliber works (Todd Graff's "CAMP" and Stephane Giusti's French film "The Man I Love") they left me questioning is who we love ultimately a choice that we make? Can we as humans let go of the sexual roles we cling to for a moment of passion, love, or fulfillment?
Let me briefly set up the plots for both movies.
In "CAMP", a young man, Vlad (Daniel Letterle) enters a summer camp for the performing arts. The cast of characters are portrayed as the typical gay, lesbian, transgendered, and overly dramatic stereotype society has for most theatre people. Vlad is talented, blond, built and straight. He's new to the camp so he attracts a lot of attention from the campers. Vlad is a type A. He wants to excel at everything. His fatal flaw is he also wants to be loved by everyone therefore, he yields to people's expectations and molds himself to fulfill those expectations. He, of course, falls in love with a girl along the way, but also has a transgendered best friend, Michael, who he knows has a huge crush on him. After courting the girl to a disastrous end, and flirting with Michael until the friendship is betrayed, the climax of the film and also Vlad's redemption is him offering himself to Michael, sexually, in order to heal all wounds. He offers to give Michael himself, knowing that is what Michael has always wanted, in order to regain the friendship and his love.
In "The Man I Love", a gay life guard, Martin, falls for a straight diver, Lucas. Short of stalking
Lucas, Martin befriends a reluctant and reclusive Lucas and becomes an integral part of his life…much to Lucas' girlfriend's chagrin. Throughout the film Martin makes it clear to Lucas that he is in love with him, but will settle for a friendship rather than nothing at all. The two characters also come to terms with Martin's HIV+ status. When Martin's health takes a turn for the worst Lucas chooses Martin over his girlfriend and in a last wish scenario ends up making love to Martin.
So, with these movies ultimately people will raise the points that: A) the plots of these two movies are probably not based in most people's realities B) the characters in these movies have fatal and probably psychotic flaws C) the characters who make the commitment to give themselves to their same sex partners probably were gay to begin with. However, being a gay man these movies have left me thinking of the plots for several days afterward which is the source for this blog.
I don't have the exact data from the Kinsey institute, but as I'm sure everyone who's reading this is aware there is a scientific belief that everyone has some homosexuality within them. It is simply a matter of how in touch the person is with that side of them as to how they choose to conduct their sexual affairs. Also, several men I've know over the years as well as friends of friends, etc, have had some sexual encounters with friends of the same sex. Same sex experimentation is something that the Kinsey Institute also claims is natural as children grow into adults.
Again, the purpose of this blog is most definitely not to begin a great debate or argue that everyone is gay or everyone should be straight. Basically, the themes of these two movies have stuck with me and I wanted to get them out for others to read and hopefully, comment on.
Also, on a personal note, coming out in my mid 20's I look back on all the male straight friendships I had and wonder, were there any possibilities that were left unexplored? Was there a soul mate out there that I passed up because I didn't realize that perhaps other people felt like the characters in these two movies? Perhaps they felt the need to give themselves out of love, but because of the roles we choose to think we must play that relationship wasn't explored? I don't know, but I find the plots of the above movies just as intriguing when typing this blog as I did when I first watched them. I hope someone else does as well.
Is sexuality predetermined? Is it something we're born with? Something we choose? Is it something that we experiment with and switch back and forth? Given what side you feel your bread is buttered, I'm sure everyone has an opinion. There's been many arguments on all sides, straight, gay, bisexual. This post is meant not to argue the points, but to potentially ask a question of are there concrete guidelines of what sexuality is and do people stray from those roles?
I've watched a couple of movies lately that have made me wonder if the roles of sexuality are not as hard and fast (pardon the pun) as what most people choose to believe. While the movies themselves are not Oscar caliber works (Todd Graff's "CAMP" and Stephane Giusti's French film "The Man I Love") they left me questioning is who we love ultimately a choice that we make? Can we as humans let go of the sexual roles we cling to for a moment of passion, love, or fulfillment?
Let me briefly set up the plots for both movies.
In "CAMP", a young man, Vlad (Daniel Letterle) enters a summer camp for the performing arts. The cast of characters are portrayed as the typical gay, lesbian, transgendered, and overly dramatic stereotype society has for most theatre people. Vlad is talented, blond, built and straight. He's new to the camp so he attracts a lot of attention from the campers. Vlad is a type A. He wants to excel at everything. His fatal flaw is he also wants to be loved by everyone therefore, he yields to people's expectations and molds himself to fulfill those expectations. He, of course, falls in love with a girl along the way, but also has a transgendered best friend, Michael, who he knows has a huge crush on him. After courting the girl to a disastrous end, and flirting with Michael until the friendship is betrayed, the climax of the film and also Vlad's redemption is him offering himself to Michael, sexually, in order to heal all wounds. He offers to give Michael himself, knowing that is what Michael has always wanted, in order to regain the friendship and his love.In "The Man I Love", a gay life guard, Martin, falls for a straight diver, Lucas. Short of stalking
Lucas, Martin befriends a reluctant and reclusive Lucas and becomes an integral part of his life…much to Lucas' girlfriend's chagrin. Throughout the film Martin makes it clear to Lucas that he is in love with him, but will settle for a friendship rather than nothing at all. The two characters also come to terms with Martin's HIV+ status. When Martin's health takes a turn for the worst Lucas chooses Martin over his girlfriend and in a last wish scenario ends up making love to Martin.So, with these movies ultimately people will raise the points that: A) the plots of these two movies are probably not based in most people's realities B) the characters in these movies have fatal and probably psychotic flaws C) the characters who make the commitment to give themselves to their same sex partners probably were gay to begin with. However, being a gay man these movies have left me thinking of the plots for several days afterward which is the source for this blog.
I don't have the exact data from the Kinsey institute, but as I'm sure everyone who's reading this is aware there is a scientific belief that everyone has some homosexuality within them. It is simply a matter of how in touch the person is with that side of them as to how they choose to conduct their sexual affairs. Also, several men I've know over the years as well as friends of friends, etc, have had some sexual encounters with friends of the same sex. Same sex experimentation is something that the Kinsey Institute also claims is natural as children grow into adults.
Again, the purpose of this blog is most definitely not to begin a great debate or argue that everyone is gay or everyone should be straight. Basically, the themes of these two movies have stuck with me and I wanted to get them out for others to read and hopefully, comment on.
Also, on a personal note, coming out in my mid 20's I look back on all the male straight friendships I had and wonder, were there any possibilities that were left unexplored? Was there a soul mate out there that I passed up because I didn't realize that perhaps other people felt like the characters in these two movies? Perhaps they felt the need to give themselves out of love, but because of the roles we choose to think we must play that relationship wasn't explored? I don't know, but I find the plots of the above movies just as intriguing when typing this blog as I did when I first watched them. I hope someone else does as well.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Colts Win Superbowl!!!!
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