Which Side Is Your Bread Buttered?

In the infamous words of Salt N' Peppa "Let's talk about sex, baby! Let's talk about you and me!"

Is sexuality predetermined? Is it something we're born with? Something we choose? Is it something that we experiment with and switch back and forth? Given what side you feel your bread is buttered, I'm sure everyone has an opinion. There's been many arguments on all sides, straight, gay, bisexual. This post is meant not to argue the points, but to potentially ask a question of are there concrete guidelines of what sexuality is and do people stray from those roles?

I've watched a couple of movies lately that have made me wonder if the roles of sexuality are not as hard and fast (pardon the pun) as what most people choose to believe. While the movies themselves are not Oscar caliber works (Todd Graff's "CAMP" and Stephane Giusti's French film "The Man I Love") they left me questioning is who we love ultimately a choice that we make? Can we as humans let go of the sexual roles we cling to for a moment of passion, love, or fulfillment?

Let me briefly set up the plots for both movies.

In "CAMP", a young man, Vlad (Daniel Letterle) enters a summer camp for the performing arts. The cast of characters are portrayed as the typical gay, lesbian, transgendered, and overly dramatic stereotype society has for most theatre people. Vlad is talented, blond, built and straight. He's new to the camp so he attracts a lot of attention from the campers. Vlad is a type A. He wants to excel at everything. His fatal flaw is he also wants to be loved by everyone therefore, he yields to people's expectations and molds himself to fulfill those expectations. He, of course, falls in love with a girl along the way, but also has a transgendered best friend, Michael, who he knows has a huge crush on him. After courting the girl to a disastrous end, and flirting with Michael until the friendship is betrayed, the climax of the film and also Vlad's redemption is him offering himself to Michael, sexually, in order to heal all wounds. He offers to give Michael himself, knowing that is what Michael has always wanted, in order to regain the friendship and his love.

In "The Man I Love", a gay life guard, Martin, falls for a straight diver, Lucas. Short of stalking Lucas, Martin befriends a reluctant and reclusive Lucas and becomes an integral part of his life…much to Lucas' girlfriend's chagrin. Throughout the film Martin makes it clear to Lucas that he is in love with him, but will settle for a friendship rather than nothing at all. The two characters also come to terms with Martin's HIV+ status. When Martin's health takes a turn for the worst Lucas chooses Martin over his girlfriend and in a last wish scenario ends up making love to Martin.

So, with these movies ultimately people will raise the points that: A) the plots of these two movies are probably not based in most people's realities B) the characters in these movies have fatal and probably psychotic flaws C) the characters who make the commitment to give themselves to their same sex partners probably were gay to begin with. However, being a gay man these movies have left me thinking of the plots for several days afterward which is the source for this blog.

I don't have the exact data from the Kinsey institute, but as I'm sure everyone who's reading this is aware there is a scientific belief that everyone has some homosexuality within them. It is simply a matter of how in touch the person is with that side of them as to how they choose to conduct their sexual affairs. Also, several men I've know over the years as well as friends of friends, etc, have had some sexual encounters with friends of the same sex. Same sex experimentation is something that the Kinsey Institute also claims is natural as children grow into adults.

Again, the purpose of this blog is most definitely not to begin a great debate or argue that everyone is gay or everyone should be straight. Basically, the themes of these two movies have stuck with me and I wanted to get them out for others to read and hopefully, comment on.

Also, on a personal note, coming out in my mid 20's I look back on all the male straight friendships I had and wonder, were there any possibilities that were left unexplored? Was there a soul mate out there that I passed up because I didn't realize that perhaps other people felt like the characters in these two movies? Perhaps they felt the need to give themselves out of love, but because of the roles we choose to think we must play that relationship wasn't explored? I don't know, but I find the plots of the above movies just as intriguing when typing this blog as I did when I first watched them. I hope someone else does as well.